Travelling

This week I had to go back to IL to work for a few days.  It is the typical every few weeks thing I have had since I moved out to Ohio.  I have done it for a while now so you would think I would be used to the feelings that come with this traveling.  You would be wrong.

For some reason every time I leave my wife I feel sad and ashamed.  Like I am abandoning her. I leave but my heart stays and calls back to me. It whispers to me keeping me awake at night waking me up early in the morning telling me to come back home early.  So, I would long shift and finagle the times I leave and don’t stay one moment longer than I have to. 

This week is a bit different. My brothers said they wanted to get some quality time together since I am not usually around but then 2 dropped out and instead of a brother outing I went and saw a movie that was not on my list of movies to see with my mom, brother and his two daughters.  I could have slept in. I could have spent a nice day with my wife before driving to IL but no I had to get here to spend quality time with my brothers.

What really pisses me off I am in town and they aren’t even trying to make up for the cancelation.  After all the guilt and name calling they were just using me to fill out a foursome for golf.  Another pain I get to carry.

Every night I pray that God looks over my wife while I am away.  Before I fall asleep, I worry that she is mad or disappointed that I am not coming home sooner. I worry about her all the time.  I a shmuck like me got this awesome wife. Who stands by me and understands the pressures I have and does not give me one ounce of guilt over leaving her.  She is an angel.

So I need to work hard. Finish up what I have here and get on the road as fast as I can.  I want to have her in my arms as soon as possible.

I love you dear!