As the big day approaches I have started to bring together all my stuff. Life has been completely busy and in many ways been flipped upside down. Just reading that I get a bad feeling about all this. What is going to happen to the old me? How will this change me? Will I still have friends? Will I still have the same hobbies? Will I be so different from the man I was when we met that she will still be attracted to me?
It all comes down to how I look at it. I can look at myself as a caterpillar. Before I did what I wanted how I wanted. I consumed everything. (well I was a giving caterpillar so not everything) But I acumilated stuff to make me happy but really they just sat and collected dust. I kept video games after I stopped playing them, I set toys up to admire but really just collected dust. Most I just ignored. Sure a few has places of honor and I enjoyed looking at them (looking at you toy AT-AT, Star Destroyer and Blue Dragon) But the rest meh. This caterpillar is wrapping himself into a cocoon . Time to change.
Going from single to married is a huge change. I go from thinking only of myself and my wants and needs to having a family that I have to think about. My needs and desires are pushed to the back and the family comes first. This attitude scares me. I have been trying to think of reasons to keep my old toys but to be honest there is none. I will keep a few items (still looking at you guys) and sell or give the rest away. I have been fighting this. Scared of losing myself with all of my stuff but I now see that stuff was me. It is not who I am now. Heck, it is not even who I was when I meet my Fiancée. It is who I was as a child. It is time to move on. Maybe someone else will find joy in it.
I am not going to blank slate it. I will keep the stuff I am actively using like my gaming stuff. I have thinned down what I am keeping. I got rid of most of my extra stuff. I know I will need a hobby once I am married. Everyone one in a successful marriage I know has one. One guy has computer and woodworking, another tinkers with PCs, another works on cars and flips them, all my brothers play hockey. Mine will be 40k. When we first started going out my fiancée said she liked how I had a passion for something. Though I have not had the time to play much lately I still have a love of the game. I read articles and write blog posts about it. I think it is ingrained in to who I am. Maybe this will fade over time and more armies will get sold but until then it is still a part of me. I can relax and just paint or convert or read up on new tactics. Who knows eventually I will be able to get a game in.
There was a movie called Toy Story 3. Some of you might have seen it. I feel like Andy in that story. I am moving on and I need to find a new home for my toys. Hopefully I can find a good home.
What is going to happen to the old me?
The old me is gone.
How will this change me?
I hope I will become more responsible and with a whole lot less stuff.
Will I still have friends?
I hope so. I will not see them as often since I will be 350 miles away but I hope they will still be friends. (the internet should help this)
Will I still have the same hobbies?
I won't have time for video games or 40k at the get go. I will have my movies and if everything goes as planned I will get to do some 40k while we watch TV shows.
Will I be so different from the man I was when we met that she will still be attracted to me?
I really hope so. I can't answer this it is up to her.
So I am scared of change. Who isn't. But I look forward to the challenge of a new life. I don't have to face it alone. I will have a partner. So bring it on....
This caterpillar is ready to fly!
