Sunday in church a wall of emotion hit me. I don't know if it was mother's day, the possibility of moving further away from home or just that I haven't talked to or heard from my family for a while. Whatever it was it got me looking distressed enough to have my lovey wife concerned about me.
It is something that gets me a lot. On one hand I am the happiest I have ever been. I have someone who loves me and completes me. With her help I have become a much better person. I have grown more spiritually, become more adventurous, and experienced things I never thought possible.
With all that being said I have never been this far away from my family as I am now and soon I might move even further. While I am a big boy and don't need my family I have always had them here. So I am scared. I miss them. Most of the time we are busy doing stuff so I am distracted. In church when I am centered and at peace these thoughts seam to sneak up on me.
In the end what can I do? In truth nothing. It is just some growing pains that come along with the joy of being on my own. It is just a little sad that I am almost 40 and I am just getting these pains. It just shows how sheltered I was.
So now I need to get used to being away. I should focus on our life and not worry about what I am missing back in IL. For the most part I am. I love being with my wife. We have adventures together like going to help at the food pantry and going to Yellow Springs this weekend. I love our time together. As we grow more and more I become more at ease. These pains get smaller and smaller.
I had a small break this weekend. We shouldn't dwell on that we should look at all the joy we had during this weekend. The lazy Sunday was awesome. We sat on the couch Diana worked on her interview prep while I read my book. I love these times. I don't know if she likes them or even knows how much this means to me but I absolutely LOVE simply just hanging out.
Whether it is playing a game, watching a movie or just her pinning and me painting we are with each other and we can share our thoughts or feelings . We laugh at TV shows or get scared by a horror movie. She finds a funny pin or I proudly show off my latest mini. These little things are my joy.
So while not everything is not sunshine and roses the amount of storm clouds are few and far between and everyone knows that roses need rain to grow. I will take the growing pains and use them to enjoy my time with my love more. Look it that, here comes another bight sunshiny day!
