The hate game

I hear it all the time. "Doesn't she like us? Why does she hate the family? Is she avoiding us?" I don't understand where my family get these ideas. I am the youngest of 5 kids and have gone through the marriages of all my other siblings. Not once do I remember anyone of their significant others making an effort to bond with the family. The I only remember one of them doing a lot of interaction before during and after the wedding. I think that is because she was a high school romance. All the others were later in life when everyone has a job and a life and we are all busy. If my brother and his wife don't go to church at the same time and then doesn't go to lunch with the family it is ok because they have plans. But if my Fiancée doesn't make the 6 hour trek to do the same it is because she hates us. It frustrates me.

Yes I travel to see her more than she comes here but that is the way we planned it before she even left. We talked about the travelling and it is more feasible this way. She has suggested driving here and I usually reject it because it is easier and cheaper for me to do the traveling. My car is newer, I can bring items over to help ease the move in December, I only have to worry about myself when driving (no pet to worry about), and that I rather have me make that drive then worry about her while she is driving. After I explain it they look like they understand but, then the next week comes and she is not here and the questions come back. Are their memories that short?

I also point out that she is from a small family who is generally disconnected. They don't all live in one area. They don't have get togethers. Heck, she has lived there almost 6 months in the same city as her sister and you can count the times they have seen each other on one hand. So a family that Goes to church and lunch every week, has random get togethers for birthday and stuff is a bit out of the norm for her. She is feeling left out. If no one invites her to these parties how is she supposed to plan to come to them.

Deep breath....

Given time I think that my fiancée will become just another family member as much as any of the other wives have. I have a feeling that this is not about her not fitting in to the family but me moving away from the area. After I am married (or before if I find a job sooner than expected) I will be moving away so I will not be there every Sunday to organize our lunch schedule. I will not be there to do all the little maintenance on the house. They will have to step up in my absence. They have started to notice my absence because I travel every other week. So the family lashes out to try to figure out why I would not be there. For this I am sorry. I will miss the little things like Sunday lunch or playing hockey with my brothers. But I need to live my life and follow my heart. Right now my heart lives 350 miles away. It is hard enough to live with that pain.

Hopefully one day my family will understand. One day they will see the happiness that she gives me. Until that day I will endure their opinions defend her as much as I can and when the smoke clears I will be happy because I have found my soul mate and we will be one.

God Bless..