surfing the emotional waves!

This weekend my lovely fiancee came to town for another meeting with the Deacon to make sure we are prepared for our upcoming nuptials.  The meeting went really well we had a few questions which we got some answers to and we got our witnesses out of the way. My better half's birthday is soon so I took her out to a nice restaurant.  While she was in town she and her Matron of honor went dress shopping and talked about the wedding.  They had a good time and I think more things were locked down as far as they can be.

So as you can see it was a hectic weekend all that done in less that 48 hours.  I will admit some sleep was sacrificed >_< but everything seems to be running smoothly.  That is until last night.

We were tossing ideas back and forth suggesting songs for our ceremony.  We found that songs Define Dancing and the ending credits for Up might be a great option for the opening and closing songs. While we were doing that though I suggested the song Annabella's Song by Everclear.  This song is really about a dad and his daughter but I find it fits how I feel about her almost perfectly.  Here are the lyrics:

 "Annabella's Song"

I see you roll your eyes
You know it makes me smile
You are like the sun to me
Bright as liquid fire
I feel so powerless
To hold you up above the world
You are quite a lot of trouble
Such a pretty little girl
Such a pretty little girl

You know I'm never home
I'm always miles and miles away
I feel I'm runnin' out of time
Say the things I need to say
Call you on the telephone
You will not talk to me
Yeah you just don't understand
You are my everything

Anna, Anna
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Anna, Anna, you are never alone
You are never alone

Anna, Anna
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Anna, Anna, you are never alone
You are never alone

I like to watch you play
When you don't know I'm there
See you in your sleep at night
Reach out and touch your hair
I wanna make this world
Be just how you want it to be
Yeah you just don't understand
You're my everything

Anna, Anna
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Anna, Anna, you are never alone
You are never alone

 I always substitute her name in for Anna. Just re reading it now brought tears to my eyes and if you add in the everclear style and I just lose control.  Right now I am miles away.  I know she is hurting and I cannot do anything to stop it.  I want so much to take all her troubles away and "make it how she wants it to be" but I am powerless.  All I can do is pray for her and listen when we talk and try to convey that I am always thinking of her.

So last night when I heard this song I just fell apart.  All the emotions from the last few days tied in with the void I felt since she left and the feeling of the song hit me like a ton of bricks.  I often will let things through but usually I will just tear up but last night was different.  I cannot say why but it was.

There is nothing I can do about this though.  Things will stay this way until that great day when I am by her side and we are together forever.  Until then I will still shed tears. All tears go away when I am with her so the easy answer is be with her more often, ^_^

159 days and counting.  just a few more days more than 5 months.  Things are rolling now.