My first year

On the eve of my anniversary I thought would try to write out how I feel about being married. I think I should start out with saying that I really had no clue about what this was going to be like.   I have had girlfriends and roommates and I lived with my mom for most of my life.  All I knew was that this would be different.

I think I have grown as a person. I think I have become more responsible.  I take time out of my day to think about different chores around the house that need to get done.  Things that I would ave taken for granted when living with my mom. (Sorry mom) While I don't have a set schedule I do load the dish washer, wash clothes, make lunches and supper way more often that I ever thought possible. It shocks me that those things would have ever entered into my mind. So big change number 1 I do housework! shocking.

While growing up, I was always amazed on how my bed looks like a tornado came through and destroyed my bed in the morning.  I always worried about my wife.  I used to think how can anyone sleep with the whirling dervish that I am.  I know, at first, I had a hard time sleeping  worrying about her safety.  But I slowly got used to it.  She hasn't complained about it and we went from a king down to a queen and still very few problems.  It is usually my sleep talking that bugs her.  My mom used to tell me about whole conversations I had with her while I slept. It is always funny to hear what my subconscious wants to talk about.

The one thing I was not ready for after saying "I do"  is all the emotions and how much further my love grows.  I thought that I loved my wife that day last year.  I thought "Man how can I love this woman any more than I do now?" Little did I know how self centered I was then. Back then I was in love with another person. We were 2 people. She did her stuff and I did mine.  When thinking about stuff I always thought "I can do this. This is what I want" It was all about the "Andy".  While I still have an 'I' to think about I catch myself asking "What shoud we do? What is best for us? We can do this. This is what we like."

I still have my own hobbies but for the most part I am thinking about the team. My love for her might not have gotten bigger but it hasgrown deeper.  my love for her has gotten to my very core. In most places she has become the first prority.  While not totally dependant on her, I am only really happy when she is. When she is bummed I get bummed. When she is happy, I live in her joy. I never thought I would ever feel this way about anyone.

My heart is not the only thing that has grown. My brain has changed.  I never thought that I would ever meet someone who thinks like I do.  It is scary sometimes when I am thinking something and she says it.  It is like there is a link between us.  I don't know if this is how it is with all couples but dang, it is weird sometimes.  Sometimes I apologize for doing something only to find out she would have done the same thing or she wanted me to do it.  We laugh about how we share this one brain.

I know there are other things that have changed but these are the ones that came to mind. Over all I can't believe it has been a year.  They say time flies when you are having fun.  Well I am having a blast.  I hope my love can continue to change and become more entwined as we embark on our next adventure.  Look out Washington! Here comes Team PDA!

I love you darling! God Bless! 

Travelling

This week I had to go back to IL to work for a few days.  It is the typical every few weeks thing I have had since I moved out to Ohio.  I have done it for a while now so you would think I would be used to the feelings that come with this traveling.  You would be wrong.

For some reason every time I leave my wife I feel sad and ashamed.  Like I am abandoning her. I leave but my heart stays and calls back to me. It whispers to me keeping me awake at night waking me up early in the morning telling me to come back home early.  So, I would long shift and finagle the times I leave and don’t stay one moment longer than I have to. 

This week is a bit different. My brothers said they wanted to get some quality time together since I am not usually around but then 2 dropped out and instead of a brother outing I went and saw a movie that was not on my list of movies to see with my mom, brother and his two daughters.  I could have slept in. I could have spent a nice day with my wife before driving to IL but no I had to get here to spend quality time with my brothers.

What really pisses me off I am in town and they aren’t even trying to make up for the cancelation.  After all the guilt and name calling they were just using me to fill out a foursome for golf.  Another pain I get to carry.

Every night I pray that God looks over my wife while I am away.  Before I fall asleep, I worry that she is mad or disappointed that I am not coming home sooner. I worry about her all the time.  I a shmuck like me got this awesome wife. Who stands by me and understands the pressures I have and does not give me one ounce of guilt over leaving her.  She is an angel.

So I need to work hard. Finish up what I have here and get on the road as fast as I can.  I want to have her in my arms as soon as possible.

I love you dear!

Growing pains

Sunday in church a wall of emotion hit me. I don't know if it was mother's day, the possibility of moving further away from home or just that I haven't talked to or heard from my family for a while.  Whatever it was it got me looking distressed enough to have my lovey wife concerned about me.

It is something that gets me a lot.  On one hand I am the happiest I have ever been.  I have someone who loves me and completes me.  With her help I have become a much better person.  I have grown more spiritually, become more adventurous, and experienced things I never thought possible.

With all that being said I have never been this far away from my family as I am now and soon I might move even further.  While I am a big boy and don't need my family I have always had them here.  So I am scared.  I miss them.  Most of the time we are busy doing stuff so I am distracted.  In church when I am centered and at peace these thoughts seam to sneak up on me.

In the end what can I do? In truth nothing.  It is just some growing pains that come along with the joy of being on my own.  It is just a little sad that I am almost 40 and I am just getting these pains.   It just shows how sheltered I was.

So now I need to get used to being away.  I should focus on our life and not worry about what I am missing back in IL.  For the most part I am.  I love being with my wife.  We have adventures together like going to help at the food pantry and going to Yellow Springs this weekend. I love our time together.  As we grow more and more I become more at ease.   These pains get smaller and smaller.

I had a small break this weekend.  We shouldn't dwell on that we should look at all the joy we had during this weekend.  The lazy Sunday was awesome.  We sat on the couch Diana worked on her interview prep while I read my book.  I love these times.  I don't know if she likes them or even knows how much this means to me but I absolutely LOVE simply just hanging out.

Whether it is playing a game, watching a movie or just her pinning and me painting we are with each other and we can share our thoughts or feelings .  We laugh at TV shows or get scared by a horror movie.  She finds a funny pin or I proudly show off my latest mini. These little things are my joy.

So while not everything is not sunshine and roses the amount of storm clouds are few and far between and everyone knows that roses need rain to grow. I will take the growing pains and use them to enjoy my time with my love more.  Look it that, here comes another bight sunshiny day!   

I love it!

This week I have come back to my home town and have been asked how I like married life. I always answer, "I love it!" I knew if I found the right person who I would want to marry I new that lafe would be good.  I never imagined just how great it would be.

My wife and I are almost always on the same page.  She is there with reminders and helpful tips when I am lacking. She is awesome and as a team we are great.  She doesn't get mad when I do silly thing and accepts my quirkiness.  Heck some times she joins in.

Through all of my life I have had friends.  People I hang out with and talk about stuff with.  Sure we have had games, hockey, books, work and miniatures to talk about but with my love I can talk about topics I have avoided all my life.  How I feel, my faith, my politics, and my dreams.   I can talk about the other stuff too with her but the fact that any topic is fair game is awesome. 

Never in my life have I had someone so in tune with me.  I hope she feels the same way.  I love her and she is everything to me.  While I am away from her, I am a bit lost.  I can't wait to get back and hold her.  To wake up and have her there next to me.  To fall asleep to her gentle breathing. 

Life is good, Thank you God.

Time away T.T

So this week I came back to IL alone to meet with some friends and then work this week.  I was not ready for the pain of separation to come back.  I find myself still longing for her and unable to really concentrate.

I miss her voice and laugh and mere presence.  When I watch TV shows they are not as enjoyable because we can't pause and talk about them.  When out eating I feel out of place because I am so used to her being with me.  Even in church I felt alone even though I was with my family.  My hand kept searching for hers.

The one thing it has taught me is that she is a crucial part of my life.  She is also a key to my happiness.  I can't wait till I get back so I can hold her again. 

I love you my Wife!